an offering

Posted: October 21, 2008 in Poetry

i don’t have regrets
i know i did the right thing
in telling you
to leave
and not to contact me again

i knew you wouldn’t listen
and you would call back
every year or so or
every new half-sister or
every windfall and send
a dollar or
many dollars

i knew because i am
half yours and
i would do and
have done and
will do the same thing
if i lose someone
i care for

i see you in the fear
i see you in the learning
i see you in the unveiling
i see you in the lessons
you tried to teach
but failed because
you didn’t know how
to reach me

i hurt so much now
and sometimes
just sometimes
i need my daddy
so i can hug him
and he can hold me
and he would not lie
and i would stop crying

but
he isn’t
real for me

but i can’t touch you
because you might
hurt me again
and i have no regrets
i have no desire for you
i have no reasons
i only have fear and hurt
and some tears

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