Archive for October, 2008

so strange.

Posted: October 31, 2008 in Draft Dodging

from drunk men tranquilizing a huge horse to a man choking a woman to a woman kicking his ass and getting blood all over the van she drove to pick up three kids from school to driving in the midst of devastating tornados to finding refuge in an open semi-underground house to a weird lecture on STDs with hotel courtesans to walking naked in a field of lightning…

i could never make a career out of remembering or living my dreams.


an offering

Posted: October 21, 2008 in Poetry

i don’t have regrets
i know i did the right thing
in telling you
to leave
and not to contact me again

i knew you wouldn’t listen
and you would call back
every year or so or
every new half-sister or
every windfall and send
a dollar or
many dollars

i knew because i am
half yours and
i would do and
have done and
will do the same thing
if i lose someone
i care for

i see you in the fear
i see you in the learning
i see you in the unveiling
i see you in the lessons
you tried to teach
but failed because
you didn’t know how
to reach me

i hurt so much now
and sometimes
just sometimes
i need my daddy
so i can hug him
and he can hold me
and he would not lie
and i would stop crying

he isn’t
real for me

but i can’t touch you
because you might
hurt me again
and i have no regrets
i have no desire for you
i have no reasons
i only have fear and hurt
and some tears

stay bold.

Posted: October 18, 2008 in Poetry

Fools confuse the bold with the hasty
because unlike the hasty, the bold know
when to keep walking tall and know
when not to move at all.

the best

Posted: October 17, 2008 in Poetry

The best songs often don’t rhyme;
they plod along the dirt road and
stumble over the boulders; the
engines flood over and everyone
sits on the edge of the road, thumbing
for a quick lift back to inspiration.

The sun drips and trickles on their heads,
stains their shirts, and makes sitting an
eternity of threadbare seasons and
erosion; memories tangle in tumbleweeds
until everyone feels ready to push along,
to get rolling again, to straddle the horizon.

a letter

Posted: October 14, 2008 in Poetry
Tags: , , ,

a bed
in a large bedroom
city and state irrelevant
as is the country

dinner and a movie

oh god,

lean toasted and tasty
salt-tinged sweaty slick
strong agile moving
bucking heaving crash
bruising scratched sore
bitten reddened owned

moaning panic,

soft kiss

"Your Embrace" | Shakira

Posted: October 8, 2008 in Music


truly untitled

Posted: October 5, 2008 in Poetry
Tags: ,

I used to walk on wet grass,
I used to feel water on my toes,
I watched ants walk all over me
the way I walked all over them,
and we crowdsurfed on each other.

I used to lie on my back in parks,
I would stare into the blue sky,
I tried to make out shapes in the clouds,
and I created zoos, wars, dragons, stars;
the world wasn’t too big for me.

I used to pick up rocks in lots,
I rated them by size and shine,
I put them in a tin can and I thought then
my rock collection was precious;
my rocks were the gems of my life.

what you want.

Posted: October 4, 2008 in Poetry
Tags: ,

dim atmosphere raging light
in corners and shadows cast
from barstools and stage steps
from curtains and beaded closures
from trendy skirts and cropped pant
wondered talk and beating threads
walking feet and gesturing fingers
hands heads shoulders necks
popping and rolling about
what’s missing from this fantasy
of erudition and cultural créme
of society

the dim becomes a din
the main event is nigh
the master of swank high
and staggering to the mic
wide eyes warning of
prima dons and donnas
breaking lines and scat
with tales of perdition
and calling it life
and branding it art
and selling it for a breath

i stand up here but i don’t know
what you’re seeing
what you’re feeling
what you’re hearing
as these words come from me
i’m almost afraid to ask
when i wail about death
do you stare at my tits
when i hug my solemn insomniac mother
do you try to force me down
when i marvel at suns reinvented
by dawn and birdsong and white cloud
do you stare at my scars
do you pet my hair
do you look at me
from the thighs up
or the waist down

i feel paralyzed now
by the memories of words unwritten
the stories never told
because i remember who will speak them
and who has to climb this stage
this circus of fools in tweed
runts in polyester rascals in wool
not veiling the hostility on my body
as they proclaim they are cruelty-free
their lives are cruelty-free

your breath destroys the air around my art
your eye castrates the coming dawn of the birth
of my roiling mayhem of singing a verse
without a tune to a tone-deaf horde
i don’t feel pure but i feel unmolested
i don’t feel whole but i feel unbroken
i feel like a dove whose wings
flip the money tables over
and over
and over
instead of fly


Posted: October 3, 2008 in Poetry

I have tried many times to write poems about you,
I wrote letters to you with Poe-inspired barbs:
“The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as best I could–”
Some spired turn of phrase to wall you out of my mind, or
A slammed-out polemic to chant and burn after reading;
I psychoanalyzed mama’s distrust of you since my single-digits.

Sometimes I think to call you, if only to save my sisters,
I practice veiled words of caution and unspoken grief,
“Though he provides, he also takes away,”
“His defensive venom sometimes misfires,”
But I am no poet, no author, no scholar–
My words lose fire when I think of you.

i feel a whisper
twisting between my thighs
traveling through my spine to my throat
singing about you
and how it wants to fuck you
in several languages
on several pages
until the syllable sinks
into babble rub rubble no none
no thing oh no stop go hard
its hips feel the urge of your song
its tongue tastes the fire in your veins
its pores have taken you in as itself
and kept you in dizzy and light
happy and free flying